Save My Marriage: It Can Be Done!
I need to decide whether to give up on my marriage or work to save my marriage. I am faced with this decision because my wife cheated on me. I do still care for her and I think she still has feelings for me. This is a difficult decision.
When a married person discovers his or her partner is involved in an illicit relationship, it seems like the end of the world. It triggers of sense of betrayal, abandonment, and loss of trust. The guilty partner can also experience a sense of devastation at the possibility that this reckless behavior may have forever alienated a still beloved spouse.
Marriage help is available from professionals and the couple can also look for help from within themselves as well. No one should make excuses or blame themselves for their spouse's infidelity. On the other hand, it's quite often not the case that one member of the pair single handedly wrecked the marriage. An examination of the quality of marital life before the affair can shed some insight on what may have contributed to it.
"I believe our marriage can survive this. I've decided that in order to save my marriage, I'm just going to suck it up and drive on." "She's a good woman. I will deal with the boredom because I just want to save my marriage." Merely repressing your feelings about your spouse's affair, being content with the cards you've been dealt, is not necessarily saving your marriage. Empty promises of fidelity, faking satisfaction is also probably not the most effective way to deal with what has occurred.
A common erroneous assumption is that love and satisfaction of basic needs are sufficient to maintain a marriage. Maintaining any marriage, even one that appears to be happy, requires serious work. Non-verbal and face-to-face communication are important determinants of success in a marriage. A therapist with a specialty in marriage counseling is a good resource to consider if a couple finds that maintaining open and healthy communication is too difficult.
You might be in a situation where your spouse does not wish to attend therapy. This should not dissuade you from trying it out. A quality professional can deal with your deeper issues and make you mentally healthier. Such improvement will decrease the likelihood of small arguments in the household, which is a great first step toward dealing with couples issues.
In the old days, 'til death do us part" had a binding meaning and no one went around asking how to save marriage. Seems like those days are over, and people often find themselves asking "How to save my marriage?" You can save your marriage through an array of resources available to those willing to work things out, without going to the extreme of divorce. You shouldn't decide to end your marriage just because it isn't as exciting as it once was. To avoid ending your marriage you must understand that you are making a permanent commitment and be confident enough to stay and work things out.
Published January 23rd, 2008
Filed in Education
